Patience

Things pass. Cravings. Mental hunger. Frustration.

The biggest part of change is working on our head space. It's amazing what I've learned about myself by trying to develop a little patience to let things run their course.

One of my goals is to be the kind of person who is consistent. I don't want to give over to whim, which is so very easy. I have been offered so many treats. So. Many. But I haven't taken them, because I don't want to be so spontaneous with food. That seems to have gotten me into trouble in the past.

On the other hand, I'm never going to say treats are completely off limits. Instead I'm going to make treats something I plan on occasionally. For instance, a certain handsome husband is turning another year old this week. In our couple tradition, I try to make a homemade birthday cake for him every year. My track record is bad, y'all. The first year I told him I was going to make a homemade cake he looked shocked. "Homemade? Boxed cake is fine, Erin." I scoffed. "No, it's not fine! I'm making this thing from scratch."

Do you see how I set myself up? I absolutely excelled at making cake that year...and promptly ruined it by making AWFUL icing. I then covered the wonderful cake in the awful icing and ruined the whole thing. I had no idea what I was doing at the time. That would've been a good time for me to taste the icing before putting it on the cake. (Who puts sour cream in icing?! I should've known better.)

Then last year I made an AWFUL cake (as in, dense enough to be the consistency of cornbread) and put wonderful icing all over it. Even the icing couldn't save the cake. It was that bad. I cannot explain it except to say that I had lost the previous year's cake recipe and took some bad advice from Google.

This year...oh, this year... I'm counting on the third time being a charm. I mean, there's only so many times I'm going to try before I let Betty Crocker take over.

So I've located a very interesting recipe that crosses a pound cake with yellow cake and a nice homemade chocolate icing recipe sans sour cream. I'm hopeful.

I digress. My point is I had to make a decision about how to handle the birthday cake. I can't make the cake without tasting it. I have to know if I finally got it right and should save the recipe! Right?! So I made a deal with myself. I'm going to have 1-2 solid bites of cake. That's it. Sure, I could make a case for eating a whole piece of cake. It is the hubby's birthday. But I don't think I'm there.

No, I don't think I'd go nuts and eat a whole cake. However, I haven't had sugar in 6 weeks. No really. The only sugar I get is in the form of fruit. So I think I would feel really awful if I ate too much sugar at this point.

There will come a day when I eat whole pieces of birthday cake and indulge here and there. I just want to stay on course as closely as possible until my habits are stronger and I've lost the weight. This year I'm going to enjoy my cake tasting then promptly give the lion's share to Will and let him share with friends and coworkers.

I really admire women who don't have any issue being around decadent food without partaking, but I have short fuse with that at this point. I'm better off having it out of sight and out of mind. Maybe I'll get stronger over time, but there's no need to rush being a pro all at once.

Next challenge: birthday weekend trip for Will. Here's to learning to do things better!

5 Weeks

After being on plan for 5 weeks now:

--I have lost 15 pounds.

--I have struggled with the issue of weight training vs not weight training. I thought I'd start training again. I didn't. Instead I have focused on cycling and walking.

--I have learned how to eat at a restaurant without wrecking ship. This is HUGE! It gets easier each time I do it. (I have notoriously been sidetracked by eating out in the past.)

--I have not cheated. (Also huge for me.) I'm trying to have the integrity to stay on plan for four months. I've read that any cheating should be scheduled and not spontaneous. My goal is to wait until I've made progress to schedule any treats. One of the biggest wins I can have in my journey is to learn to schedule treats and not just give in when the moment strikes.

--I have been honest with myself. It's challenging to give your lifestyle a makeover. While I've made these changes, I've tried to continually be aware of how I felt and what I could improve. I believe we have to put the pieces together for ourselves. Some things work, others don't. We have to weed out what doesn't work and keep moving forward with what does. That takes a lot of self-awareness.

--I am motivated to continue this journey.

Food

I'm going to throw food pics in randomly throughout this post. One challenge is keeping things interesting on my plate. I'm not the kind of person who can eat the same meal over and over again without burning out.

I really admire people who naturally choose healthy food. One of my biggest challenges is eating out. In the past, I have felt free to order whatever appealed to me 90% of the time I've eaten at restaurants. Now I have to be much more careful to make a good decision, not just an appealing decision.

I took on my own personal trap a couple of weeks ago -- Texas Roadhouse. Oh. Man. I love steak. I can have steak and stay on track, in fact. The only issue is the bread. Texas Roadhouse has buttery, steamy dinner rolls with honey butter that they bring by the basketful. Will, of course, was thrilled. I, on the other hand, had to give myself a pep talk before stepping foot inside the restaurant.

We made a deal. When they brought the bread, Will agreed to eat a piece or two then ask them to take the basket away. You know, minimize the amount of time I had to look at the stuff so I wouldn't be tempted to cheat. The plan worked. He enjoyed his share of bread and butter then asked our waiter to remove the rest from the table. You should've seen the waiter's face. He acted like we just ran over his puppy. "You want me to...*scratches forehead and focuses*...remove...the...bread?"

I know that most people probably ask for another basket, so he was likely facing an entirely new situation. Still, it was hilarious watching the guy wrap his mind around us not wanting the rest of the bread. Our meal was really nice after that. I thoroughly enjoyed my steak and mushrooms. The bread was out of sight and out of mind.

Cheesy ranch turkey burger with guacamole, lettuce, broccoli, and baked squash chips.

After that particular situation, I realized it might be nice to have support the next time I eat out. Sure, I am capable of looking at a menu and picking a healthy choice. Still, if you have people you're paying to help you improve your diet, why not use them? They may think of options you hadn't considered. So when Will's family decided to have dinner together Friday, I immediately decided to let MRC help a sister out this go around. Mainly because we're going to an extremely decadent restaurant where things are, you know, bacon wrapped and covered with a special sauce. It looks like I'll have to be a diva when I order off this restaurant's menu. "No sauce. Hold the butter. Please leave off the bacon." I fully anticipate shock and horror from the wait staff, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Lettuce-wrapped tacos with strawberries and squash.

I somehow survived Easter weekend by volunteering to cook for my family. It was really nice. We had a much less traditional meal this year, but it was still tasty.  We started with unwrapped tacos. I like ground chicken combined with taco seasoning, black beans, and cheese. Will is masterful at seasoning veggies with chili powder and cumin to compliment the flavor. Throw in a little homemade guacamole and the party is rolling! We finished the day with baked fish, veggies, and fruit. I made a pile of brown rice for the men.

Shrimp boil! We boiled shrimp, new potatoes, and corn and had spicy squash on the side.

I also got to see Ally! One 3-mile walk and we had gotten a lot of catching up in! We've made a consistent effort to spend more active time with our friends lately. In fact, Will and I went on a date to the batting cages not too long ago.

Baked tilapia with broccoli and strawberries.

Things are getting easier to manage as time passes. I'm starting to think in terms of my food plan so I don't have to focus so hard to put meals together.

Southern Comfort 1: Italian chicken breast with provolone cheese, green beans, and toast.

I still have my days when things are hard, but I haven't slipped up yet. I keep thinking, you eat something and enjoy it for 5 minutes, then the results stick around long after the moment is gone. For me, the results were often feeling like I needed a nap (food hangover) and weight gain. Remembering those things has helped me have perspective as I watch others eat donuts and Cadbury eggs. I'm just not in a place where that's a good idea. When I lose the weight, I'll probably have a cheat meal once every week or two. That's fine. I just don't want to go there while I'm in the process of changing my habits and knocking the weight off. I think it would complicate things at this point in my journey.

Southern Comfort 2: Italian chicken with provolone, sautéed mushrooms, toast, and salad.

It is crazy what you can accomplish once you set your mind to it. They say if you're on the fence and you have a setback, well, you tend to give up and given in. BUT if you're determined and you have a setback then you view it as an opportunity. I can see that very clearly. The other day I packed my lunch for work. It turns out, I forgot to pack my veggie! Instead of skipping it or making excuses, I went to the grocery store around the corner and found a steamable bag of broccoli. No problem. The key isn't having everything perfectly set up, it's rolling with the issues you face.

Black bean taco mix with squash and guacamole. 

This weekend Will and I are going to have company. It looks like my new challenge is cooking for guests! I'm ready!