When I adopted this diet, I was told I could exercise too much. That was a new concept for me. Any other plan I have been on has told me to knock myself out with cardio and weight training.
My experience with weight training has been totally positive. It has helped knock inches off and also helped me endure a food slip-up here or there without too much damage. When I'm weight training it's much harder for me to gain weight than when I'm...well, not weight training. I guess because building muscle increases the amount of calories your body needs to function.
I digress. Back to the point. I have not been weight training since I've been dieting. For the first couple of weeks, I had no complaints because weight was falling off. Now my progress is a bit slower. Though I haven't cheated, I only saw 1.5 pounds slid off my frame last week. This diet boasts at least a 3 pound loss every week as long as you don't cheat. Well...I was beyond shocked and sad that it didn't work for me last week.
I'll be 100% honest here, I have never been on a diet where I didn't cheat. I guess that's how I explained any lags in weight loss before. If you have a cheat meal once a week, it may have that effect. Now that I'm committed to staying on course, I don't handle lack of progress well...at all. I'll be honest again, I think it's a problem for me to be this impatient, but I'm torn between two thoughts:
1) If I'm paying a lot of money for a diet that promises between 3-5 pounds of weight lost per week, I want to get what I'm paying for. Right? I shouldn't be having this problem. Still, when I go show to my weigh-ins they pour over my food journal and say, "You're doing this by the book. This is all really great." I am dumbfounded that I'm experiencing this lag. No one can figure out why.
2) I need to chill. I can't get impatient with making good decisions because I want results. I have to learn to make good decision in general. That's what will most positively impact my life. Those good decisions can't be tied to results or that will really complicate things in the future. I know.
Let's be real. I know I should be patient and trust the process, but I'm not really in a patient head space right now. So I've been thinking about ways I can improve my results. If I am making this my year to lose weight and move forward, then I'm going to fight tooth and nail to make it happen. I'll have to be careful not to get too caught up, but if there's anything I can do to make this process smoother I should do it. That's where I'm at.
One thing I want to do now, that is probably not advised by this particular diet, is start weight training again. I've read several weight loss/healthy lifestyle blogs and more than one blogger has mentioned the power of weight training on their overall results. Ally LOVES the Runs for Cookies blog. That blogger mentioned she had lost weight two different times in two different ways. Each time she weighed 150 pounds (if memory serves) once the weight was gone. Once she did it with diet only, the other time with diet and exercise. Guess what? She was physically smaller (in inches and clothing size) when exercise was part of her plan, even though her weight was exactly the same as before. It matters how we lose.
So I'm going to compromise in my own way here. I have been pretty nuts about weight training in the past. As in, hours in the gym every week performing long workouts to target each muscle. I'm not going to do that this time. I'm choosing compound exercises that hit multiple muscles at the same time to minimize my time in the gym. I'm also going to limit training to twice a week. Hopefully that will minimize the damages to my diet, but it'll still give me a full-body workout.
I'm not a personal trainer, but after talking to my own fitness guru I came up with this very simple full-body workout:
UPPER BODY
assisted pull-ups
push-ups
deadlifts
LOWER BODY
squats
lunges
standing calf raises
CORE
cruches
bicycle crunches
It's simple. It's not overly time consuming. It works several major muscles. I'm in. I've read that the first two weeks of weight training do mess with the scale. Your body is retaining more water to deal with the inflammation (totally normal, you have to repair damages caused by training to rebuild stronger muscles). You also start to gain muscle, which may be on top of not losing fat here and there (READ: gain weight). So I'm trying to mentally prepare myself to see the scale fluctuate.
I'm also going to monitor how I feel. It may be that this diet doesn't give me the energy or stamina to do this. It may also be that weight training increases my appetite and makes the diet hard to follow. In either case, I'll have to reassess and see if this works for me. I really think a simple routine, like the one I am planning, will be fine. I'm just going to stay aware.
Over and over again I keep learning we have to monitor and adjust. Most of us try multiple diets in our adult life, but no one diet is designed for your specific makeup. You have to study your own body and find what works for you. That's part of the reason I'm trying something new with this plan. I don't want to mess with the plan too much, but I do want to see how I can make the most of it. Maybe weight training will be the thing that's missing here. I don't know. It's time to try and see.
Here's to the journey, rocky as it may be sometimes. The most amazing reality we face is the ability to change our situation. We can't create new cards to play, we have what we have, but we can play them differently. I'm going to keep pushing forward and trying new plays.
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Friday, March 27, 2015
No Cheating!
Sometimes I feel like an alcoholic who works in a bar. As much as I try to stay away from eating out and being in situations where I'd be introduced to aimlessly eating, I can't fully escape.
My coworkers are REALLY into eating out. Most of them are thin, so I'm sure it seems to have no consequence for them. I, on the other hand, struggle with all the food that makes its way into my professional life. I also struggle with family functions and social functions.
I hope this is one of those things that gets better with time. Last weekend I ate out twice. Two nights in a row, in fact. The first night was date night. My husband treated me to a lean steak with mushrooms and salad. It was WONDERFUL! The second night was a family dinner. I had much less control there. We ate at a BBQ restaurant. Thankfully, I knew their menu well enough to plan ahead. I was able to order chicken, mushrooms, and a deviled egg. Man, it's the little things; that deviled egg was amazing. I digress. Though I was fine during both meals, it was still hard to pass on the dinner rolls at the beginning of the meal. Also, it's hard to watch someone eat chocolate cake without me at this point. I really hope there comes a time when I get over some of my issues. It shouldn't be so hard to order something healthy and enjoy time with people. I shouldn't be heartbroken about passing on rolls and cake. Still, it's a little hard at this point.
I think with any struggle we all think it'd work itself out if we could live in a bubble, right? If there were no outside sources of pressure or temptation, I'd be fine. The hard part is not living in a bubble. Living exposed.
I am fully trying to do something different right now. In previous weight loss attempts I incorporated cheat meals. Once a week, I would cheat. There was even a period where I embraced an entire cheat day once a week. Somehow, that doesn't seem like a good idea at this point. Partially because I'm paying amazing amounts of money to use this diet as a tool to improve my health; partially because there's a spiritual aspect of change that I'm trying to embrace.
One part of my belief system involves freedom from being dominated. In this case, freedom from being ruled by food. I really felt food was a seductive force in my life. I had a hard time staying on track. This journey has taught me some of that could be due to not paying attention to blood sugar. If you manage blood sugar, you kick physical cravings. Granted, mental cravings still exist.
Part of my goal for these 17 weeks is just to stay on track. No cheat meals. No giving in. Why? To see what causes me to want to cheat. To find a way to identify it and adapt my behavior.
Taking eating for pleasure away from myself is an incredible teacher. I can see now the ways I use food that are not healthy. I can also see I'll have to find other ways of handling these situations. For example, I have a strong desire to eat when I'm tired. I should rest instead. I also think about food and crave it when I'm having a bad day and feel emotional. (Hello, chocolate.) I should talk to a friend about my worries or go pray. There's no need to eat my feelings, as Grace Adler put it.
Most of the journey I'm on is mental. It's about getting to know myself so I can adapt and find better ways to live. The inner growth is painful, though. Man. It flat-out hurts. But what else can you do? When what you're doing isn't working, it's time to try something new. Otherwise you'll just trap yourself in a bad place.
Here's my inspiration right now:
My coworkers are REALLY into eating out. Most of them are thin, so I'm sure it seems to have no consequence for them. I, on the other hand, struggle with all the food that makes its way into my professional life. I also struggle with family functions and social functions.
I hope this is one of those things that gets better with time. Last weekend I ate out twice. Two nights in a row, in fact. The first night was date night. My husband treated me to a lean steak with mushrooms and salad. It was WONDERFUL! The second night was a family dinner. I had much less control there. We ate at a BBQ restaurant. Thankfully, I knew their menu well enough to plan ahead. I was able to order chicken, mushrooms, and a deviled egg. Man, it's the little things; that deviled egg was amazing. I digress. Though I was fine during both meals, it was still hard to pass on the dinner rolls at the beginning of the meal. Also, it's hard to watch someone eat chocolate cake without me at this point. I really hope there comes a time when I get over some of my issues. It shouldn't be so hard to order something healthy and enjoy time with people. I shouldn't be heartbroken about passing on rolls and cake. Still, it's a little hard at this point.
I think with any struggle we all think it'd work itself out if we could live in a bubble, right? If there were no outside sources of pressure or temptation, I'd be fine. The hard part is not living in a bubble. Living exposed.
I am fully trying to do something different right now. In previous weight loss attempts I incorporated cheat meals. Once a week, I would cheat. There was even a period where I embraced an entire cheat day once a week. Somehow, that doesn't seem like a good idea at this point. Partially because I'm paying amazing amounts of money to use this diet as a tool to improve my health; partially because there's a spiritual aspect of change that I'm trying to embrace.
One part of my belief system involves freedom from being dominated. In this case, freedom from being ruled by food. I really felt food was a seductive force in my life. I had a hard time staying on track. This journey has taught me some of that could be due to not paying attention to blood sugar. If you manage blood sugar, you kick physical cravings. Granted, mental cravings still exist.
Part of my goal for these 17 weeks is just to stay on track. No cheat meals. No giving in. Why? To see what causes me to want to cheat. To find a way to identify it and adapt my behavior.
Taking eating for pleasure away from myself is an incredible teacher. I can see now the ways I use food that are not healthy. I can also see I'll have to find other ways of handling these situations. For example, I have a strong desire to eat when I'm tired. I should rest instead. I also think about food and crave it when I'm having a bad day and feel emotional. (Hello, chocolate.) I should talk to a friend about my worries or go pray. There's no need to eat my feelings, as Grace Adler put it.
Most of the journey I'm on is mental. It's about getting to know myself so I can adapt and find better ways to live. The inner growth is painful, though. Man. It flat-out hurts. But what else can you do? When what you're doing isn't working, it's time to try something new. Otherwise you'll just trap yourself in a bad place.
Here's my inspiration right now:
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Realizations
Tomorrow will mark my one-week anniversary on the new eating plan. Normally the beginning is the easiest part, right? Motivation is high when you're starting a new plan. In all honesty, that's not what made this week easy. In fact, it wasn't entirely easy...at all.
Since I've been on plan my blood sugar is stable. I feel the difference. My body doesn't have sharp, immediate cravings. In fact, I don't think I have physical cravings at all. I feel very balanced and the only hunger I feel is usually in the hour before I go to sleep, which I think is totally normal and manageable.
With my body in balance and physical cravings at bay I'm glimpsing the real issues.
1) My cravings are mental. I am physically satisfied, but that doesn't mean food isn't seductively slinking around me. Cake at work, people. Cake. At. Work. Why do we need cake to celebrate? It's not just work parties, it seems impossible to have an extended conversation with someone without involving food. Does this sound familiar: Want to get coffee? Want to have drinks? How about lunch? Dinner at 7:00? What appetizer are you bringing to the party? EVERYTHING has a menu attached. At first that really bummed me out. Ok, it still really bums me out. But it makes me want to create times to bond over anything but food. So I'm going to work on being the instigator who asks: Want to try kayaking Saturday? Walk at 6:00 to chat? Have you been bowling lately? There has GOT to be a better way to relate to others than one that has a nutritional value. Right?!
2) Many people do not understand what I'm doing. One coworker/friend heard me describe the diet and asked, "Are you borderline diabetic?" -screams into a pillow- They also don't understand why I don't want to eat out. I have zero control over salt content, oil content, cooking method, etc. when I eat out. At this point I'm not ready for that. Most restaurants don't focus on serving whole foods, at least in my location. That makes things hard for me. Also being surrounded by chocolate cake and dealing with the mental craving for it isn't a walk in the park. Yes, I'm getting stronger. No, I'm not totally impenetrable.
3) Learning this lesson: Food does not (really) enhance the experience. If you have popcorn at a movie, the movie isn't more entertaining. If you have chocolate after a bad day, things don't suddenly improve. Food is food. An experience stands alone; it doesn't have to incorporate food to be whole.
4) I'm going to have to work on boundaries. This is HUGE for me. One thing I've realized as a grown up is that there's a difference between being kind and being a pushover. Also, there's a need for tact when you're drawing the line and making a point of not being a pushover. This seems to be a recurring theme in my life lately. Just today I was talking with coworkers who wanted to go have lunch. Where did they want to have lunch? The BBQ joint. What can I eat at the BBQ joint? Zilch. What did I say? I don't think I can stand up that temptation, but please go enjoy it for me. They looked dumbfounded. Still, I'm the only one who can steer my own life, and dangit I do not want to continue my old patterns with food. So there will be times when I have to leave people to deal with my decision. This is a very small example of that.
I'm beginning to realize our triumph over any demon comes from finding the inner strength to look at things differently and act based on our conscience and not our whims. It's an act of integrity and fortitude to overcome.
God help me, I have a lot to learn!
Since I've been on plan my blood sugar is stable. I feel the difference. My body doesn't have sharp, immediate cravings. In fact, I don't think I have physical cravings at all. I feel very balanced and the only hunger I feel is usually in the hour before I go to sleep, which I think is totally normal and manageable.
With my body in balance and physical cravings at bay I'm glimpsing the real issues.
1) My cravings are mental. I am physically satisfied, but that doesn't mean food isn't seductively slinking around me. Cake at work, people. Cake. At. Work. Why do we need cake to celebrate? It's not just work parties, it seems impossible to have an extended conversation with someone without involving food. Does this sound familiar: Want to get coffee? Want to have drinks? How about lunch? Dinner at 7:00? What appetizer are you bringing to the party? EVERYTHING has a menu attached. At first that really bummed me out. Ok, it still really bums me out. But it makes me want to create times to bond over anything but food. So I'm going to work on being the instigator who asks: Want to try kayaking Saturday? Walk at 6:00 to chat? Have you been bowling lately? There has GOT to be a better way to relate to others than one that has a nutritional value. Right?!
2) Many people do not understand what I'm doing. One coworker/friend heard me describe the diet and asked, "Are you borderline diabetic?" -screams into a pillow- They also don't understand why I don't want to eat out. I have zero control over salt content, oil content, cooking method, etc. when I eat out. At this point I'm not ready for that. Most restaurants don't focus on serving whole foods, at least in my location. That makes things hard for me. Also being surrounded by chocolate cake and dealing with the mental craving for it isn't a walk in the park. Yes, I'm getting stronger. No, I'm not totally impenetrable.
3) Learning this lesson: Food does not (really) enhance the experience. If you have popcorn at a movie, the movie isn't more entertaining. If you have chocolate after a bad day, things don't suddenly improve. Food is food. An experience stands alone; it doesn't have to incorporate food to be whole.
4) I'm going to have to work on boundaries. This is HUGE for me. One thing I've realized as a grown up is that there's a difference between being kind and being a pushover. Also, there's a need for tact when you're drawing the line and making a point of not being a pushover. This seems to be a recurring theme in my life lately. Just today I was talking with coworkers who wanted to go have lunch. Where did they want to have lunch? The BBQ joint. What can I eat at the BBQ joint? Zilch. What did I say? I don't think I can stand up that temptation, but please go enjoy it for me. They looked dumbfounded. Still, I'm the only one who can steer my own life, and dangit I do not want to continue my old patterns with food. So there will be times when I have to leave people to deal with my decision. This is a very small example of that.
I'm beginning to realize our triumph over any demon comes from finding the inner strength to look at things differently and act based on our conscience and not our whims. It's an act of integrity and fortitude to overcome.
God help me, I have a lot to learn!
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Regrouping
It has been so long since I've written here! Wow. One wedding and trip to Europe later, and I'm home...thinking about how to come down from those highs!
Life has been so sweet lately, but I've also embraced decadence. It's so easy to do! While we were engaged, everyone wanted to throw a shower and take us to dinner. We had people generously treat us to gift cards so we could spoil ourselves, often with food. All of that was fun, and it was so incredibly thoughtful of those who treated us. It wasn't even just that others treated us. We treated ourselves so much more often. The issue is that I have a weight problem. At least I thought the weight was the issue. It's not.
I was so focused on the scale that I forgot the real problem. The real problem is that I let food hold sway over my mind. It's like a seductive force, drawing me in, away from my good sense. And I've never quite broken the spell.
Honestly, I think this is my lifelong battle.
I'm not sure of all the answers. I keep digging around, looking for shards of truth to piece the puzzle together. But it's a big puzzle. I haven't found one particular truth that snaps the whole picture in place for me. I just keep piecing the image together, doing the best I can with what I currently know.
My latest endeavor at perspective comes from a break down. Not a tearful, screaming into a pillow sort of affair. Actually, a quiet realization that built from days and months of pain. The kind of discomfort that grows from a whisper to a scream over a long period of time.
I think most people know how to lose weight. At least, they're aware of a few alternatives. The problem is never knowing, it's doing. Always. So I have a constant tension in my life that I know better...but I don't always do better.
I got particularly disheartened after we got home from our honeymoon, on cloud 9, and the real world started to set in again. Anyone can justify enjoying pasta and pizza in Italy. But what about after Italy?
It seemed I couldn't get back on track. Snacking, in particular, was a problem. I mean, there are only so many times you can make peanut butter/chocolate oatmeal and call it an afternoon snack before you're like, "Why am I craving sugar so often that I'm making this all the flippin' time?!"
So I started creating options in my mind. Until I remembered visiting the Metabolic Research Center (MRC) a while ago. Let me tell you, I'm a DIY kind of person. I will research and practice and dig around for ways to do something better all day long before I ask for help. But this seems so much bigger than me. At least, it did when I kept stumbling around, bumping into walls with my eating pattern.
MRC has a strict plan. They cut out the excess and teach you to eat to survive. They ask you to buy protein drinks from them to supplement three balanced meals. They tell you not to eat bananas, onions, and carrots, for goodness' sake. This is not an easy plan. Or is it?
The thing I kept thinking about was the blood sugar stabilization. They create a menu that stabilizes your blood sugar. What does that mean? Reduced cravings.
As a girl who was making WAY too much chocolate/peanut butter oatmeal and calling it healthy because of the dang oatmeal component, I need that. I felt like my body was completely out of whack to crave food the way it did.
I'm not advocating this plan, I'm just discussing the conclusion I came to.
I decided I'm tired of being driven by food. I feel like a drug addict, crawling back for more when I know it's excessive and harmful. So I wanted to do something extreme, not moderate. And believe me, that's incredibly hard for me to do. But I wanted to prove something to myself: food does not control me or weigh down my life.
So I singed up. And it's not something I'm taking lightly, I'm scared out of my mind. Our kitchen pantry is undergoing an extreme makeover as I prepare to start the plan tomorrow. (Will is finding hiding places for his snacks. God bless him.) Coupled with the fear I feel determination...and hope. I think balancing my body again, creating level blood sugar, will absolutely help me control the physical urge to snack. On the other hand, I think taking comfort food away from myself for a time will force to the surface any issues that create an opening for emotional eating. And that's where the sweat and tears come in. I'm going to try to confront my mind and figure out how I can overcome this crazy ability I have to get in my own way.
As I've said, I don't know that I will ever hold the complete picture of how I solve this for myself, but the more I try to change my life the more pieces of the puzzle I discover. For now, this is my way of investigating the situation to see what I discover as I walk this path. I don't think there's one quick fix for anyone, so I don't think this will be it for me. But I do think this is where I am right now. I need the help and support this plan provides, and I need to take away the idea of eating for pleasure for a while so I can focus on eating to live. If this is my magic bullet, thank God. If it isn't, it's definitely worth trying so I can grow wiser from the experience.
We live in a culture of excess. Purposefully avoiding excess is like entering the mental Olympics. You have to embrace endurance and white knuckle it when things get tough. I know this is going to be a huge challenge, but I think I'd rather do this than keep going down the path I've been on. Unless you stand up and fight your demons they prey on you. You're the only one with the power to fight for yourself. So I'm going to try a new method and see what I learn along the way. Here's to new beginnings and finding strength in the struggle.
Life has been so sweet lately, but I've also embraced decadence. It's so easy to do! While we were engaged, everyone wanted to throw a shower and take us to dinner. We had people generously treat us to gift cards so we could spoil ourselves, often with food. All of that was fun, and it was so incredibly thoughtful of those who treated us. It wasn't even just that others treated us. We treated ourselves so much more often. The issue is that I have a weight problem. At least I thought the weight was the issue. It's not.
I was so focused on the scale that I forgot the real problem. The real problem is that I let food hold sway over my mind. It's like a seductive force, drawing me in, away from my good sense. And I've never quite broken the spell.
Honestly, I think this is my lifelong battle.
I'm not sure of all the answers. I keep digging around, looking for shards of truth to piece the puzzle together. But it's a big puzzle. I haven't found one particular truth that snaps the whole picture in place for me. I just keep piecing the image together, doing the best I can with what I currently know.
My latest endeavor at perspective comes from a break down. Not a tearful, screaming into a pillow sort of affair. Actually, a quiet realization that built from days and months of pain. The kind of discomfort that grows from a whisper to a scream over a long period of time.
I think most people know how to lose weight. At least, they're aware of a few alternatives. The problem is never knowing, it's doing. Always. So I have a constant tension in my life that I know better...but I don't always do better.
I got particularly disheartened after we got home from our honeymoon, on cloud 9, and the real world started to set in again. Anyone can justify enjoying pasta and pizza in Italy. But what about after Italy?
It seemed I couldn't get back on track. Snacking, in particular, was a problem. I mean, there are only so many times you can make peanut butter/chocolate oatmeal and call it an afternoon snack before you're like, "Why am I craving sugar so often that I'm making this all the flippin' time?!"
So I started creating options in my mind. Until I remembered visiting the Metabolic Research Center (MRC) a while ago. Let me tell you, I'm a DIY kind of person. I will research and practice and dig around for ways to do something better all day long before I ask for help. But this seems so much bigger than me. At least, it did when I kept stumbling around, bumping into walls with my eating pattern.
MRC has a strict plan. They cut out the excess and teach you to eat to survive. They ask you to buy protein drinks from them to supplement three balanced meals. They tell you not to eat bananas, onions, and carrots, for goodness' sake. This is not an easy plan. Or is it?
The thing I kept thinking about was the blood sugar stabilization. They create a menu that stabilizes your blood sugar. What does that mean? Reduced cravings.
As a girl who was making WAY too much chocolate/peanut butter oatmeal and calling it healthy because of the dang oatmeal component, I need that. I felt like my body was completely out of whack to crave food the way it did.
I'm not advocating this plan, I'm just discussing the conclusion I came to.
I decided I'm tired of being driven by food. I feel like a drug addict, crawling back for more when I know it's excessive and harmful. So I wanted to do something extreme, not moderate. And believe me, that's incredibly hard for me to do. But I wanted to prove something to myself: food does not control me or weigh down my life.
So I singed up. And it's not something I'm taking lightly, I'm scared out of my mind. Our kitchen pantry is undergoing an extreme makeover as I prepare to start the plan tomorrow. (Will is finding hiding places for his snacks. God bless him.) Coupled with the fear I feel determination...and hope. I think balancing my body again, creating level blood sugar, will absolutely help me control the physical urge to snack. On the other hand, I think taking comfort food away from myself for a time will force to the surface any issues that create an opening for emotional eating. And that's where the sweat and tears come in. I'm going to try to confront my mind and figure out how I can overcome this crazy ability I have to get in my own way.
As I've said, I don't know that I will ever hold the complete picture of how I solve this for myself, but the more I try to change my life the more pieces of the puzzle I discover. For now, this is my way of investigating the situation to see what I discover as I walk this path. I don't think there's one quick fix for anyone, so I don't think this will be it for me. But I do think this is where I am right now. I need the help and support this plan provides, and I need to take away the idea of eating for pleasure for a while so I can focus on eating to live. If this is my magic bullet, thank God. If it isn't, it's definitely worth trying so I can grow wiser from the experience.
We live in a culture of excess. Purposefully avoiding excess is like entering the mental Olympics. You have to embrace endurance and white knuckle it when things get tough. I know this is going to be a huge challenge, but I think I'd rather do this than keep going down the path I've been on. Unless you stand up and fight your demons they prey on you. You're the only one with the power to fight for yourself. So I'm going to try a new method and see what I learn along the way. Here's to new beginnings and finding strength in the struggle.
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