The Success In Failing? (Erin)

Oh. My. Goodness.

I have really been struggling lately. Can you tell? No blogs.

My response to the struggling was to beat myself up. A lot. Then something really great happened. I went to the doctor. Ok, I admit that doesn't sound 'really great' so let me explain.

Today I went in for a routine exam. You know, make sure things are in order. Check in. Nothing big.

When the nurse weighed me, she immediately lit up. "Well, you've lost a lot of weight! How did you do it?!"

Let me just say, for someone who has actually put some of her weight back on (shameful as it may be), I was really taken off guard by that. And inspired!

Here I was beating myself up that I haven't been doing so well; I forgot the big picture. I am doing well overall! I'm just going through some transitions right now. (With work and with a new relationship.)

The thing about coming a long way is you have to accept there will be setbacks. You can't stop that from happening. So this setback has had me really sad and dejected. Unnecessarily.

I always said that I was making changes that would stick for the next 50 years or I wouldn't change at all. It turns out, sometimes you're human and you suck at meeting your own goals. True story. But that doesn't mean you sit down, give up, sulk, and accept it. Right?

I've seen this graph a lot. We all think we're going to lose weight every week and by bikini season we'll be rocking that itsy-bitsy, whatever. But success is so much more complicated than that. It's learning to go in the right direction overall, even after you've lost ground or hit a wall or otherwise hit a bump. You just have to keep trying until you have learned the disciplines and habits you need. In fact, you have to learn to overcome deeply embedded habits and values that don't just go away when you pick up a celery stick.

In my family, we love food. It's medicine. It's our best friend. It's a comforter. It's a way to have fun. We have an unhealthy love of food -- it's like that Lifetime Television for Women kind of love that makes you ask, "What the hell?" You know what I'm talking about? It's not right.

I've realized that it's really hard for me, still, to separate my emotions from certain foods. If I have a bad day I sometimes still seek out my favorite comforter (cupcakes) to make it all better. But it doesn't. I'm going to have to keep growing stronger and learning not to have the knee-jerk reactions I grew up embracing. And it's hard. But it's necessary.

And I still love going out with friends. But I suck at ordering healthy food at a restaurant. I mean, it's intense watching me try to order healthy. I go in the restaurant and you can practically hear Eye of the Tiger start swelling in the background. I refuse to take the menu. No photos of beautiful yet unhealthy food, please, I'm a woman on a mission. I order what I decided was healthy based on my online search of the restaurant's nutrition page hours earlier. I am focused because I know myself. I can't have a chance to screw up before my order is in. I'm just not that strong most of the time.

And sometimes you're just not ready to go into that ring. You didn't have a chance to look up nutritional information. You vow to order what looks healthiest, only to see Alfredo staring you in the face as soon as you open the menu. Sometimes we are not on our game.

For me, I'm not right now. No lies. No covering it up. I'm confessing to you that things are really taking me for a ride lately. But I refuse to believe this is how it is going to be for me. I know God will give me the strength to move on. I just have to take some time to remember how important what I'm doing is and find some ways to enjoy it again.

So tonight I'm cooking a new recipe (Chicken and Broccoli Casserole from Cooking Light).  And I'm going to be ok. Because life introduces struggles. And we all know that's just a chance to decide how we're going to respond. And I choose not to be defeated. So I may be down for the count, but I feel myself gaining the strength to stand and fight again. Fight for a better life.

I hope you do the same!