My boss is someone I really admire. He's fair. He doesn't assume you're a moron when you speak with him. He's not a micromanager. And, on a personal note, he's lost a substantial amount of weight and kept it off for years. This man is on his game when it comes to eating well and exercising. Recently, he won an award for his work on our project. A few coworkers were talking about getting a cake to celebrate his achievement. *groan* From what I mentioned about his lifestyle, does this sound like the kind of man who wants a cake?
I know they're just trying to think of a nice gesture to let him know how proud we all are. I get it. But when did food become pride? You know? And, honestly, I'd understand if it were another coworker who really liked cake, but we're talking about a man who is managing his health on a daily basis. He sits in the break room eating yogurt and fruit. His choices are public knowledge.
On a related note, I was asked on a business lunch tomorrow. Y'all know this ain't gonna be one of those let's-have-a-salad-and-park-a-couple-blocks-away-so-we-also-work-in-a-brisk-walk kind of lunches. Again, why?
I keep talking about social eating, mainly because I'm under a lot of pressure to eat lately. And I see people who are more advanced in their journey facing the same issues. People really don't make this easy, and not out of ill-will but because you don't 'get' it unless you're living it. And there are a lot of people in our lives who are not on this journey. So what can we do? Well, I'm going to think it out here to ease my mind.
1) We can be assertive. If someone tries to put on the pressure, that's the time to let them in on your new healthy lifestyle and why you're trying to get your priorities together. (Give 'em your best daytime talkshow interview. Try to draw out a few tears of understanding. Ok, kidding, but whatever it takes to show that you're making decisions to improve your life. Most people are more supportive when they know.) Then politely decline. Because, like I've said before, you can probably have one cheat meal a week and deal with a minor setback, but you get into taking on two or more and that will put a hurting on you. So we've got to draw the line.
If someone can't accept that or wants to try talking you into changing your mind after you've declined it's time to switch speeds from 'here's what I'm doing isn't this interesting' to 'you're not going to disrespect my decision.' I know we all want to be polite and loveable, but people need to know they can't have control of your decisions. Especially not the ones that affect your health and your ability to live well. After you stand up to someone a time or two this shouldn't be as hard, because they will learn to expect you to have a backbone and hold your ground. The important thing to remember is that people have as much power over you as you allow them. So no one can drag you off track unless you refuse to stand your ground.
2) We can offer an alternative. Sometimes people just want a reason to get together, which is great. But it doesn't have to be a get-together in a restaurant that will put a pound on for every five minutes you stay. Mmmmkay? You can suggest a restaurant that has healthier options, noting your diet (I hate that word, but everyone understand when you say it) or you can offer to cook. If that's not acceptable, you can always pass or meet up afterward. If you really want to go, take the weekly cheat meal and roll with it or analyze the restaurant's menu for a healthy option.
3) We can have a support system. The other day, I was at my wit's end after having three off days in a row. I texted Ally about it, blowing up, frustrated, emotional. You know what she said? "Erin, you are too beautiful to let your weight determine your life. Don't give up. Don't quit. You deserve more." (Go write it on your mirror. That's what we ALL need to remind ourselves. She said it beautifully.) When you have people in your life who understand what you're doing and support you, it makes it easier to deal with low points. We all need someone who can talk us off a ledge.
4) We can become the planner. Then you subject people to your plan instead of learning to roll with their plan (see cake in the break room, donuts, etc.).
5) Worst case scenario, we can duck out. One of my hardest battles is food at work. My coworkers would have a potluck every day if that were an option. I can't deal with constantly walking past three different kinds of cake, fried chicken, and Doritos. Last time, I ate lunch before they started to avoid being hungry when those buttery scents came wafting through. Then I just skipped out on the whole thing. I made up an excuse about being too busy to get out of my office for lunch. It's not ideal, but if that's the only way to be successful I'll take it. I can catch up with people some other way.
6) We can face the truth: 5 minutes after eating something, you're over it. Nobody sits around, proud they just consumed 2,000 calories on a pasta dish and bread. You're over it. You're on to the next thing. Similarly, no one sits around depressed about a salad and light sandwich. You're over that, too. You're moving on with the day! So we can remember that whatever we're facing will be over soon and focus on how we want to feel when it's over. We can feel guilty or proud, but that food is going to be gone either way. The only question is: will it be your two-minute cheap thrill or your two-minute will power builder?
7) We can find ways to work in our favorite foods so we don't feel deprived. It's one thing to be tempted by something, it's another to feel deprived of something. If you're making a lighter version of cheese fries that fits into your food plan, you feel satisfied. You're not ravenous when you see a plate of cheese fries because you know you can have that with a little planning. If you're avoiding everything but celery sticks, you're going to be tempted by food a lot more (in my experience). So make a little room for your favorite foods. Just be sure they fit into your plan. And try to eat healthy food most of the time.
8) We can pamper ourselves. For some reason, pampering really helps me want to take care of my body. It can be a pedicure or a massage or just a new shade of lipstick for Spring. When you take pride in your looks, it makes taking pride in meals and exercise easier (in my experience).
Ok...I'm going to rest my fingers. I've been furiously typing, trying to get it all out. I hope everyone is having a great week. If you need to be encouraged, take five minutes to imagine the life you're working toward. When hard times come, it's a chance to stand up and fight for that life. We've just got to be strong enough to learn to do that. I know I do. Each of us has the chance to change everything. What's that quote? You can't go back and create a new beginning, but you can start today and change the ending. We have the strength to do this.
